The only thing that all birthday celebrations have in common is that you get at least a year to plan them.
Yet, somehow, they’re not all universally amazing.
Hoping to go at least some way to correcting that, we’re put together a list of foolproof birthday ideas, all across London.
Go Dancing At The Blue’s Kitchen | Shoreditch, Camden
Show people how to be the life and soul of the party.
Become A Master Mixologist at TT liquor | Shoreditch
It’s a guaranteed way to get your whole party boozed…whilst soaking up a healthy dose of knowledge, too.
Meet Dozens Of Life-Sized, Moving, Snarling Dinosaurs At Jurassic World: The Exhibition | Docklands
Feel better about your age.
Play A Mass Game Of Monopoly At Draughts | Dalston
It’s your birthday. Collect £10 from every player.
Craft Your Own Gin At The Ginstitute | Notting Hill
Forget a p**s -up in a brewery – the infinitely classier move is a birthday in a distillery, with cocktails and a personalised bottled of juniper hooch to take home.
Drink Booze And Throw Sharp Things At Flight Club | Shoreditch, Islington, Bloomsbury, Victoria
Strangely, you’ll find all your friends being extra nice to you.
See A Movie In The Sky At Rooftop Film Club | Peckham, Hoxton, Stratford
It’s probably better for smaller, more close-knit birthdays, but a winner thanks to a ceiling of stars.
Get Picked On At One Of London’s Top Comedy Clubs | All Across London
It’s your birthday so you can cry if you want to…
Tackle The Bermondsey Birthday Beer Mile | Bermondsey
It’s like the regular Bermondsey Beer Mile, except the birthday girl/boy gets carried all the way.
Host A House Party…At Little Scarlett Door | Soho
All the fun with none of the cleaning up after.
Take A Trip To Soul City At The Jazz Cafe | Camden
It’s every Saturday. For just £5.
Play Crazy Golf At Swingers | The City, West End
Two mini golf courses, three restaurants and five bars make it a guaranteed partee…
Go On A Cocktail Cruise With The Alfred Le Roy | Regents Canal
Weighed down with a cargo of cocktail ingredients & bartenders, of course.
Travel Back To The 1920s With The Candlelight Club | A Secret Location
It’s a great excuse to dress up and dance with foot-stomping abandon.
Stuff Yourself With Street Food At Mercato Metropolitano | Elephant & Castle, Mayfair
There’s pizza. And Tacos. And Ramen. And no awkward moment at the end when you’ve got to split the bill.
Get Locked Up. For Fun. At One Of These Escape Rooms | All Across London
There are plenty, but Fox In A Box guarantees a killer time…
Host The Picnic Of All Picnics On London Fields | London Fields
On a Saturday. With fresh, independent food and booze hand-picked from Broadway Market.
Cruise Down The Canals In A Wood-Fired Hot Tub With Hot Tug | Regent’s Canal
Sailer hats (and birthday hats) very much encouraged.
Stay Dry (And Dressed) With Go Boats… | Paddington
After all, cake doesn’t mix too well with water.
Make It All About You At The Piano Works | Farringdon
There’s a live band, exclusively taking requests. Like Happy Birthday. And Happy Birthday round two.
Practice your shuffle at The London Shuffle Club | Shoreditch
If you really want to get into it, use your cue as a cane.
Go On Birthday Strike At All Star Lanes | Spitalfields
It’s one birthday party idea you can totally balls up and still win.
Cheers To Maturity And Great Taste At Plush Peckham Speakeasy CLF Art Cafe | Peckham
Then head to the rooftop, order a Negroni and do it again.
Drink Beer And Eat BBQ Alfresco At Acme Fire Cult | Dalston
Your friends forgot the candles? These guys are bringing all the heat you need.
See A Gig At O2 Academy Brixton | Brixton
It’s legendary and so are you.
Go For Bottomless Brunch At Bounce | Shoreditch, Holborn, Farringdon
90 minutes of ping pong, prosecco and pizza slices make it a guaranteed hit…
Feast In A Flower-Laden Greenhouse At Petersham Nurseries | Richmond
If there was an award for the most beautiful birthday meal, it would go to you.
Sip Champagne At One Of London’s Finest Rooftop Bars | All Across London
When it comes to birthday ideas, you can do a LOT worse than drinks overlooking the entire city.
Dress up and Get Blitzed At Cahoots | Soho
Prepare to be at war with your liver.
Hide Away In A Hidden Bar | All Across London
If the world can’t see you it can’t age you. Right!?
Drink Jugs Of Frozen Margaritas And Eat Tacos At Del 74 | Dalston
There’s a disco ball in the toilet for sporadic dancing.
Main image: Piano Works
Looking for more birthday ideas…but Smaller and more romantic? Take a look at our guide to 101 London Date Ideas