The only thing that all birthday celebrations have in common is that you get at least a year to plan them.
Yet, somehow, they’re not all universally amazing.
Hoping to go at least some way to correcting that, we’re put together a list of foolproof birthday ideas, all across London.
Go Dancing At The Blue’s Kitchen | Shoreditch, Camden
Show people how to be the life and soul of the party.
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Become A Master Mixologist at TT liquor | Shoreditch
It’s a guaranteed way to get your whole party boozed…whilst soaking up a healthy dose of knowledge, too.
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Meet Dozens Of Life-Sized, Moving, Snarling Dinosaurs At Jurassic World: The Exhibition | Docklands
Feel better about your age.
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Play A Mass Game Of Monopoly At Draughts | Dalston
It’s your birthday. Collect £10 from every player.
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Craft Your Own Gin At The Ginstitute | Notting Hill
Forget a p**s -up in a brewery – the infinitely classier move is a birthday in a distillery, with cocktails and a personalised bottled of juniper hooch to take home.
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Drink Booze And Throw Sharp Things At Flight Club | Shoreditch, Islington, Bloomsbury, Victoria
Strangely, you’ll find all your friends being extra nice to you.
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See A Movie In The Sky At Rooftop Film Club | Peckham, Hoxton, Stratford
It’s probably better for smaller, more close-knit birthdays, but a winner thanks to a ceiling of stars.
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Get Picked On At One Of London’s Top Comedy Clubs | All Across London
It’s your birthday so you can cry if you want to…
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Tackle The Bermondsey Birthday Beer Mile | Bermondsey
It’s like the regular Bermondsey Beer Mile, except the birthday girl/boy gets carried all the way.
Host A House Party…At Little Scarlett Door | Soho
All the fun with none of the cleaning up after.
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Take A Trip To Soul City At The Jazz Cafe | Camden
It’s every Saturday. For just £5.
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Play Crazy Golf At Swingers | The City, West End
Two mini golf courses, three restaurants and five bars make it a guaranteed partee…
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Go On A Cocktail Cruise With The Alfred Le Roy | Regents Canal
Weighed down with a cargo of cocktail ingredients & bartenders, of course.
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Travel Back To The 1920s With The Candlelight Club | A Secret Location
It’s a great excuse to dress up and dance with foot-stomping abandon.
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Stuff Yourself With Street Food At Mercato Metropolitano | Elephant & Castle, Mayfair
There’s pizza. And Tacos. And Ramen. And no awkward moment at the end when you’ve got to split the bill.
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Get Locked Up. For Fun. At One Of These Escape Rooms | All Across London
There are plenty, but Fox In A Box guarantees a killer time…
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Host The Picnic Of All Picnics On London Fields | London Fields
On a Saturday. With fresh, independent food and booze hand-picked from Broadway Market.
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Cruise Down The Canals In A Wood-Fired Hot Tub With Hot Tug | Regent’s Canal
Sailer hats (and birthday hats) very much encouraged.
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Stay Dry (And Dressed) With Go Boats… | Paddington
After all, cake doesn’t mix too well with water.
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Make It All About You At The Piano Works | Farringdon
There’s a live band, exclusively taking requests. Like Happy Birthday. And Happy Birthday round two.
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Practice your shuffle at The London Shuffle Club | Shoreditch
If you really want to get into it, use your cue as a cane.
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Go On Birthday Strike At All Star Lanes | Spitalfields
It’s one birthday party idea you can totally balls up and still win.
Cheers To Maturity And Great Taste At Plush Peckham Speakeasy CLF Art Cafe | Peckham
Then head to the rooftop, order a Negroni and do it again.
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Drink Beer And Eat BBQ Alfresco At Acme Fire Cult | Dalston
Your friends forgot the candles? These guys are bringing all the heat you need.
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See A Gig At O2 Academy Brixton | Brixton
It’s legendary and so are you.
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Go For Bottomless Brunch At Bounce | Shoreditch, Holborn, Farringdon
90 minutes of ping pong, prosecco and pizza slices make it a guaranteed hit…
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Feast In A Flower-Laden Greenhouse At Petersham Nurseries | Richmond
If there was an award for the most beautiful birthday meal, it would go to you.
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Sip Champagne At One Of London’s Finest Rooftop Bars | All Across London
When it comes to birthday ideas, you can do a LOT worse than drinks overlooking the entire city.
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Dress up and Get Blitzed At Cahoots | Soho
Prepare to be at war with your liver.
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Hide Away In A Hidden Bar | All Across London
If the world can’t see you it can’t age you. Right!?
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Drink Jugs Of Frozen Margaritas And Eat Tacos At Del 74 | Dalston
There’s a disco ball in the toilet for sporadic dancing.
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Main image: Piano Works
Looking for more birthday ideas…but Smaller and more romantic? Take a look at our guide to 101 London Date Ideas